Therapy for Codependency
First off - what is codependency?
Codependency is a term that gets thrown around a lot, but few people understand what it really means. Mental Health America says that “it is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship.” However, as a codependency therapist, I know it is so much more than just that.
The bottom line is that people who suffer from codependency depend on others’ validation to feel good about themselves. Because this dependence can be powerful, relationships and keeping others happy can feel like an addiction. A person with codependency believes “I can only be happy if you are happy with me.”
Although codependency is often associated with relationships where alcoholism or addictions are present, the truth is that these patterns can develop in any context. Codependency points to the tendency to manage other people’s problems, even in situations where that “help” is unsolicited or unwanted. Codependents’ need to be needed drives how they behave in all significant relationships.
How do I know if I’m codependent?
Codependency generally develops early in life when a child’s parents were either addicted, had mental illness, or were otherwise emotionally unavailable. To feel secure and loved, the child quickly learned to ignore her own feelings so that she could tend to her parents.
As an adult, a codependent feels responsible for everyone else’s feelings, and makes sure never to ruffle any feathers. She only feels valued when she is taking care of others. So, when she is left alone, depression often sets in. She loses herself in relationships and often stays in them when she knows deep down they are not healthy.
Other ways that codependency can manifest include:
Low self esteem
Inability to say “no” or set healthy boundaries
Preoccupation with what people think of you
Prioritizing other people’s opinions over your own
Chronic feelings of guilt and shame
These patterns are deeply ingrained. But, with self-awareness and persistence, they can be unlearned and overcome.
My Approach to Therapy for Codependency
While working with me on codependency, we will address your struggles with a two-pronged approach.
We will start by helping you cultivate a healthy relationship with yourself.
You may have been so focused on outward things that you’re not even aware of your own needs, feelings, and preferences. We’ll work on uncoupling your sense of self from what you assume people in your life expect from you.
We will also help you develop healthier relationships with loved ones.
This often includes learning to set boundaries and assert yourself. We will work to overcome the fear of upsetting others that often leads you to act in inauthentic ways.
I realize that this may sound scary. It may sound like the goal is to make you selfish or confrontational.
However, true recovery from codependency does not look that way at all. True recovery allows you to release the fear and feelings of inadequacy that prevent you from showing up as who you really are. Working with a codependency therapist will help you create connections based on genuine intimacy. Then, you can be free to give to others out of generosity, not out of need to feel needed.
If you suspect that you suffer from codependency, let’s chat. Together, we can dig deep to better understand how it is getting in the way of healthy relationships. Overcoming codependency can provide you the tools to live the fuller life you deserve.
Begin Therapy for Codependency in Washington, DC
Let’s get you back to living a life that is authentic to you, and less for the approval of others. Start healing from the trauma that has led you to become codependent. Start living the life you’ve always wanted.
Learn more about the costs and what therapy at my Washington, DC area therapy practice looks like. Then, let’s set up a call where I can answer all your questions. You deserve to live a life free from codependency. Get started today.
Other Services at Lisa Zimmerman Therapy
As an experienced therapist in Washington, DC, I know that codependency isn’t usually the only thing you’re battling. Your story and your life is more complex than that. So, I also offer services like anxiety treatment and trauma therapy to help you heal. Let’s get you started living a life that’s more authentically you.